


Five for you One for me

by Salios



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: M/M, Post-Coital Cuddling, Pranks, Sass, epiphanies during sex, fnaf reference, hannibal lector wanna be, implied slow burn, prompt, serious love., silliness, so much goddamn sass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 20:34:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3583068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salios/pseuds/Salios
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Eggsy makes Harry laugh so hard he cries (or nearly so), and the one time he returned the favour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five for you One for me

**Author's Note:**

> Kay folks! I'm fighting off a sleeping pill to get this out for you. So much cute in this. I always scoffed at 5+1 but this was actually really difficult. I couldn't get the last of the 5 done without some serious backup.
> 
> prompt:  
> sententiousandbellicose :  
> Five times Eggsy made Harry laugh and one time Harry made Eggsy laugh.
> 
>  
> 
> Again, if anyone would like to draw anything from this work or others, please do! I always love to see how you imagine my writing..  
> I'm also a comment whotr, so please leave me some!

Considering he failed his Kingsman exam but saved the world, Eggsy thought he was getting off easy. To prove that his defeat of Valentine and Gazelle wasn't a one time thing Eggsy would be spending the foreseeable future on doubles missions. He griped at first because, while he respected his colleagues and liked Roxy, he didn't like being for all intents and purposes, babysat.

His distaste lasted up until one very not-dead Harry Hart swanned into the room and told Eggsy to try and keep up. Eggsy wasn't sure if he was meant to pass out or throw a fit. So instead he sat frozen in his chair and stared at his once mentor until Harry came and more or less lifted Eggsy from his chair and out the door. Understandably, he wasn't in any position to protest.

His silence lasted until they were alone in a side room before he wrenched himself from Harry's grip. Eggsy planted his feet, hands on his hips in a stance perfected by his mother, and glared up at Harry, who was — yup — still a fair bit taller. He huffed loudly, enjoying the disapproving frown that earned him.

"Where have you been?!" Harry made to answer only to stall as Eggsy whipped a hand up, index finger out. "Oh no, _now_ is not tha' time for you ta' talk. Now is tha' time you stand there in yer goddamn perfect fuckin' suit an' yer goddamn perfect hair an' do as yer fuckin' told, yeah?

"I been fuckin' out a me mind thinkin' ye be dead! Who gave yer posh arse tha' righ' to—"

Harry covered his mouth with a hand and Eggsy stilled. Rage still bubbled in him and he bared his teeth. A very ungentlemanly snort escaped Harry. The Kingsman held out a hand in what must have been apology. He turned away from Eggsy and the short man squawked.

"Excuse you, bruv, but I ain't done here!" Eggsy followed after his mentor, circling to make Harry face him again. "No, nuh uh. Yer gonna face me like a man!"

Harry bent over and turned away again. Snorts and choked gasps were falling from him steadily now. He continued to wave Eggsy off.

"Oh fer tha' love a — Harry get yerself together!" Throwing his hands up he stomped away only to throw himself down on a chair.

When Harry finally surfaced from his fit he apologised and held the door open, head bowed to Eggsy. The younger man huffed and drew himself up. He paused as he was leaving the room, giving Harry a look, then cuffed him across the head.

"Wanker."

Harry stood snickering in the doorway.

\-----------

As much as Eggsy loved his mum and Daisy, there was a point where he needed company that didn't involve diapers or lectures. So he  found himself at Harry's place fairly often. The older man didn't seem to mind, keeping spare towels in the guest room for Eggsy and always making extra for dinner.

Now was one such instance.

Harry had been caught up at the shop, sending Harry and JB on ahead. Getting bored and unwilling to make a mess of Harry's kitchen Eggsy was left with the telly. Channel surfing wasn't much better though when he found music he at least had something to dance to. Which, of course, was when Harry came home.

Eggsy had JB against his chest,dipping and wiggling his hips to the song. The pug was unimpressed. Of course he noticed Harry when he dropped low, promptly falling on his arse.

JB blarped happily and made a break for Harry's shins, jumping on his hind legs to be picked up. Harry picked up the pug though his eyes stayed on Eggsy flat on his arse. He snorted, slapped a hand over his mouth, and snorted again. Moments later joined Eggsy on the ground, tears streaming from his eyes as he laughed and weakly pushed away JB as the pug tried to lick his tears.

Eggsy huffed, rolled his eyes, and tossed a throw pillow at him. "Wanker"

\--------------

On their doubles missions Harry took point. This carried over to all things, including seduction and sass. Except, apparently, in this instance.

They’d dismantled the bombs, taken out the hired muscle, and were about to finish off the villain when he decided to lip off. Eggsy’s gun wavered and he squinted at the man, head cocked to the side. He glanced up at Harry to find the man’s brows attempting to disappear into his hairline. Eggsy turned back to their target.

“Did ya bump yer head mate?”

“I beg your pardon?” Oh god, even his fake French accent was awful.

Eggsy silently agreed with Harry’s grunt of disgust. “Did you seriously just diss my man’s suit? Cus really, yer one to talk.”

The ‘Frenchman’ bristled, tugging down the hem of his jacket before remembering he was supposed to keep the arm holding his gun up. “How dare you! This is handmade brocade silk! The stones are from South Africa, hand picked by my tailor and beaded with precision to a pattern of my design! I dare say, I’m _much_ better dressed than either of _you_ in your outdated frocks.”

Without looking Eggsy knew Harry’s right eye was beginning to twitch. He scoffed and stood straight, letting Harry keep their target pinned. “Scuse you, _bruv_ but I ain’t lookin’ like Don Cherry’s fat baby cousin.” He paused and tilted his head again. “With a rat-stache and a bald spot.”

There was a garbled snort and _giggles_ sprung up from behind Eggsy. He kept his eye on the now fuming man, cocking his hip. Harry’s laughter didn’t seem to be slowing, instead it gurgled out of him in bursts until he managed to gasp, “Eggsy” and bent over, hands on his knees, and laughed.

Eggsy’s gun replaced Harry’s and he grinned. “C’mon now, bruv, or you’ll be stuck in me nan’s drapes fer all yer mug shots.”

Amidst Harry’s guffaws Eggsy managed to subdue and restrain their target. Dinner that night was a mite bit more intimate.

——————————

While Michelle was slowly warming up to the thought of Harry being a part of Eggsy’s life, she wasn’t his biggest fan. It was probably why he’d never seen Eggsy alone with Daisy. But tonight wasn’t a usual night and Eggsy had invited his one-time mentor over for dinner. Eggsy may or may not have hinted that Harry should stop somewhere and bring dinner with him.

So when Harry finally arrived, laden with bags of delicious smelling greasy food he found Eggsy with a multitude of ponytails and several clip on piercings. Daisy had even drawn on his face with her scented markers, giving him a unibrow and exaggerated mouth. She was young enough to lack coordination...or malice, so he let it slide.

Apparently though Eggsy needed to work on his timing because he’d planned to be clean and marker-free by the time Harry arrived. Bollocks. Eggsy tried a grin but the pursed lips and reddening face he got in return made him glower.

Harry at least had the sense to put dinner down before he collapsed into tearful laughter.

Eggsy tossed his head and stuck his nose in the air.

Harry didn't complain later when Eggsy kissed him, unibrow and all.

—————————————————————————

Harry was learning to just go along with Eggsy's schemes. Finally. This instance was one in which he had more than a passing interest. Harry raised a brow as Eggsy settled the costume head more firmly on his shoulders. He frowned and crossed his arms.

"Eggsy, what are you doing." Harry held back a grimace as Eggsy turned, the necrotic face pulled into a wide smile.

"Scaring Merlin."

One brow rose. "I beg your pardon?"

The younger Kingsman shrugged and slipped his hands into a pair of thick yellow gloves, curling his fingers in a waterfall pattern. Tilting his head side to side Eggsy tested the movement of the ratty bunny ears on top, humming with approval. A click and the two sets of lights, one meant to serve as the suit's eyes and one light up Eggsy's, began to glow. Eggsy clicked it off.

"Rox and I got 'im into a video game series tha has a lot of jump scares. Messed with us pretty bad but it freaked Merlin out like you wouldn't _believe._ So we figured why not get him back for the parachute shit?"

Pursing his lips Harry followed Eggsy as the young man made his way to the door, Merlin's office on the other side.

"As far as Rox could say 'es in there playin' it now."

The lights went out — likely Lancelot's doing — and ony the soft whine of fans and computers filled the background. With a raised finger to the wide ghoulish smile on the mask, Eggsy slipped inside. Harry waited patiently in the doorway, listening. There was familiar Scottish grumbling, a loud series of beeps and hard breathing, and then a garbled _roar_ mixed with static.

A yell, the sound of impact, and a yelp were next.

Merlin didn't swear more than once or twice in any given sentence, usually when describing Harry or Eggsy. So to hear him shoot off at the mouth had Harry peering through the door and flicking on the lights. Immediately he spotted Eggsy, arse over teakettle with his knees to either side of his head. The costume head had been displaced and a pair of dazed green:grey eyes stared up at Harry through spreading tendrils of red.

Eggsy coughed.

"'Patently 'es a bit jumpy."

Harry covered his eyes and bit his lip, shoulders already beginning to shake. Merlin continued to shout and shake his fist, Roxy coming through the door and giving Harry and Eggsy a look before moving on to Merlin. Eggsy grinned and Harry lost it, falling to his knees and laughing until tears streamed down his face.

Eggsy's closest hand slipped into Harry's and squeezed and when he could Harry pressed a kiss to Eggsy's chin.

\---------

Harry didn’t consider himself a jealous man. Much. But he’d also never had a fellow Kingsman as a lover. So watching Eggsy seduce a mark and then prepare to ‘seal the deal’ was almost nauseating.

Harry stood beside Merlin in his office, Lancelot sitting primly in a chair and thumbing though her phone. All three of them were there for Eggsys’s debut as a honeypot. Merlin was there for his usual job of Overwatch. Lancelot partially for learning purposes as another juniour agent, but also to add ‘moral support’ in the form of future blackmail as Eggsy’s friend. Harry...was there under the pretense of student-mentor though everyone knew he and Eggsy were more or less secret-agent married.

Emphasis on the ‘more or less’.

Eggsy was stripping now, taking off his glasses and leaving them on the set of drawers off to one side, giving them a rather fantastic view of the bed. He then stood beside the bed and began to strip, giving them a full view. Lancelot muttered something, followed by a low whistle. As if hearing her Eggsy flexed his pecs and winked.

He was down to his trousers now, socks and belt off, shirt and tie draped over a chair.

The mark came back into the room, only shown by Eggsy’s shifting attention. He grinned and swayed his hips, arms reaching up. He undulated, showing off his abdominals and the deep V of his groin. Twisting to face away Eggsy’s hands dropped to his waist band. He teased the trousers down, checking over his shoulder to make sure the mark was paying attention. Bending at the waist he pushed his trousers down, putting his plump arse on display, the fabric of his pants trailing down between.

If anyone were to listen closely in Merlin’s office they would have heard the grinding of Harry’s molars.

Eggsy kicked off his trousers and with a swing of his hips, turned.

The room on both ends went silent. It was broken by a snort from Merlin. Then a giggle from Lancelot. Harry’s jaw dropped and there was an audible _thwap_ as his palm struck his own face. Merlin and Lancelot broke down into hysterics then, leaving Harry to suddenly reconsider his involvement with the younger agent currently putting himself on display.

In an elephant trunk thong, complete with ears and google eyes.

Harry’s brain must have fried itself because soon enough he too was a gasping mess of tears and laughter. None of them noticed when Eggsy’s mark burst out laughing and they bypassed sex in favour of go-fish. Eggsy wore nothing but the thong and a smile.

———————————

The general consensus was that Harry and Eggsy had been physically involved for quite some time. The general consensus was also very wrong. The two men had been dancing around each other since Harry’s ‘revival’ and until the incident with the megalomaniac and his horribly-patterned suit neither man had made a move. From there it had been a slow burn of hand holding, romantic dinners, movie nights, and babysitting. Eggsy could honestly say he’d never had a relationship like this, older posh lover aside. He was used to quick shags and ‘romances’ that would quickly burn out, ending in yelling and cheap shots.

Being with Harry was so different, it wasn’t until Eggsy was naked on Harry’s bed with the other man balls-deep did he realise they were actually intimate. Actually, that didn’t make sense. He _knew_ they were being intimate. He obviously noticed Harry’s erection pressed against his arse while they washed the dishes. The broad hands peeling open his jeans and the hot mouth and tight throat swallowing his cock down were also _very_ difficult to ignore. The prep, the kissing, and the first slide in that burned so deliciously did not in any way pass Eggsy’s notice.

But that was _Harry_. Everything the man did was intense and soft, solid but so _so_ gentle. Eggsy hadn’t  so much been seduced as loved so thoroughly that he literally couldn’t see a difference between their usual typically non-sexual interactions and the hot, sweaty slide of their bodies now. He could feel Harry’s fingers intertwined in his own, the brush of evening stubble and hot lips against his jaw and ear where Harry took every opportunity to remind Eggsy just how much he loved him and why. In detail. With more than a little hint of tongue.

So when Eggsy came he did see white, vision closing in on the feeling of them together and the white-hot nerve endings that were all but singing. But he did so with a small gasp and a smile, letting his head fall back and gently tightening his legs around Harry’s hips.

—————

When they came down from the immediate high Eggsy had his arms wrapped around Harry’s shoulders and neck, fingers through the silver lines copper that looks good no matter the state Harry was in. He could have fallen asleep there, happy and sated and loved.

Until Harry’s fingertips slid up from his floating ribs to his pectoral and back down. Eggsy jolted away, yelping, and only Harry’s heavier weight kept him pinned. Eggsy shot Harry a look, expecting an apology. Instead he found a pair of amused brown eyes and a wicked grin.

“Oi, don’t you dare, mate or — “ Eggsy’s threat was cut off by Harry tickling him again. He stopped when Eggsy was breathless and laughing. His cheeks were red and tears were beginning to build in his eyes from the assault.

Harry tickled him until Eggsy began to grapple back, sliding himself up to leave his own flanks exposed, forearms bracketing the young man’s head. Eggsy grinned up at him and without pause Harry dropped down to kiss his lover again, fingers once again intertwined.

 

 

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